Spent the morning with the kids and my wife.

Despite the whole situation, we are still keeping a somehow ‘normal’ life, in appearance.

It’s kind of a show, where we look ok, but deep down it’s really not. At least I’m really not alright.

For the sake of the children, I do my best to put on a smile and do normal things with them.

There was a school end of year party. My kids were so excited to go that I brought them there and spent the afternoon with them. It was a hot sunny day, the music was loud and there were so many kids running around. Nothing of a break, but the smile on their face and the joy it brought them made me quickly realized it was so worth it.

I just wish I can do that more with them, but the future sure looks uncertain and that is so painful. Not knowing where to go, what to do. I am so lost.

No motivation to do anything whatsoever. I feel so tired and confused.

I really don’t know what to do to this day.

There is no simple answer, I so wish everything could go back to normal.

Unfortunately I don’t think it ever will. Heartbreaking.

Not giving up, but I am in such a pain. Really.