I’m literally a zombie. Haven’t slept all night since we had our talk. Never have I been in such a bad shape.

I am drained mentally, can’t stop thinking about what has happened and because of that I can’t sleep. This in turns affects me physically and we’ll turns me into a zombie.

Quite the worst feeling / experience ever anyone can have.

So I lend her my hand and ask if she would be willing to go out and eat together. To change ideas and settings. She declined and said she doesn’t want to rush things.

I’m a bit baffled but obliged and told her whenever she wants I’m ready for you. No matter how long it takes, a day, a week, a month, couple years, I’ll be ready to discuss.

My wife thanked me for the flowers I gave her yesterday but said that won’t solve the problem. I know that for sure. I just wanted to show her I’m working on it. I’m trying to save our mariage of almost 15 years.

But I am so so so terribly hurt.

I needed to talk so once again I called the social workers.

I can’t understand how can one person turn into a stranger so suddenly. How innocent am I.

It helps but after the call I’m still desperate and by myself.

So painful.